Tag Archives: Toolian

Matt Popovits’s Incredible Journey of Cool

You may have thought that this was where it ended…

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2017-02-08

But it didn’t end there. It went…on.

I am honored to get to be the one to share the following very powerful story with you. If you don’t laugh, cry, and ultimately dance like nobody’s watching as you consume this sacramental image-narrative, you cannot possibly claim to understand the Gospel.

“Hey guys! Can I get in on this selfie?!” <SIGH> “Yeah, sure.” “I sure do love being cool!” “Yeah, it’s great.”
“I am SOOOO COOOOOOL! YAAAAAAAY!”
“And now, please rise and join us for the “Matt Popovits is So Cool” dance, led by the Comfort Dogs. I mean…some dance drill team. Rooty-toot-toot!”
MH: (silently, to self) “I’ve made a huge mistake.”
“Yeah, well, you’ll never be as cool as us, cuñado…”
“Or us…”
“…or us” (mmmm heroin)
“Or us…” (where am I, and why are these guys always flanking me?)
“Or us…”
(real quick, just want to mention— I am the only cool person in this sequence of pictures. kthxbai.)
“Or us…”
“Or me…”
“Or me…”
“Or our mom…”
“Or us…” (mmmm tapas; I’m having these catered at my next wedding)
“NO SHUT UP OUR LEGS LITERALLY TOUCHED IN THIS PICTURE. DID THAT MEAN NOTHING TO YOU? IMMA REBUKE YOU INNA OPEN LETTER IN THE FUTURE!”
“And? Like, srsly, have you seen my custom vest? Don’t even.”
“BUT, BUT—”
—(interrupts) “YEAH, WELL.”
The End.